Wisdom

Day 19

Hamilton, MT to Jackson, MT

Distance: 93 miles

Max elevation: 7,241 ft

Teeny Tiny Tears: Twice

I always knew when I started this trip that some days would be tough. This was one of them.

The day started well with the comfy hotel and the breakfast etc. Then I rolled out of the door a little after 7, and immediately detected a headwind that had certainly not been mentioned in the Local on the 8’s on The Weather Channel this morning (Al Roker???!!).

I knew it did not bode well, since the majority of my journey was in the same direction. But with no option I simply plodded along, remembering my rule that there is no point fighting a headwind, you have to relax into it and stay comfortable…yeah, yeah.

I tried that for the first 36 miles of gentle climbing, after which I stopped at a place called Sula and devoured a plate of French Toast with maple syrup and bacon, setting out again almost immediately as if it had not touched the sides.

Evil Edwin (the headwind) was still in situ, and kicked it up a notch, so much so that I was ridiculously grateful when the proper steep climbing started by way of switchbacks up to Chief Joseph Pass. Give me a climb versus a headwind any day and I know which I would choose.

Snapping a few photo shots at the top, I felt momentarily relieved that I had cracked what I thought was the hardest part of the day.

I was ready for a nice fast descent, but found within a few minutes that I was pedalling again against the headwind just to keep going downhill.

And it was then that I realised that this physical challenge was not what was troubling me. It was the fact that I had cycled today’s route before, but not on my own.

Before, I had a partner to take share the wind, share the load, share the bad luck when the weather did not play ball. This time, I was completely on my own, taking all the wind, bearing everything myself, just doing what I could to keep the pedals turning. And the analogy was a little too much.

As I battled my way down what should have been a pleasurable downhill, the tears formed behind my eyes and spilled out until I was sobbing behind my stupid, scratched, annoying shades. I knew that I just had to let it out, cycle through it, let myself feel it and move on, but it was hard. And it was lonely.

It tied into everything I had felt getting out of the relationship. The burden of doing everything on your own for yourself day in day out, resenting it and yet knowing that it’s better than the alternative, and having to dig in through bad days and just keep going when all you really wanted to do was just stop and wish that it would all go away. And the memory of all that was pretty hard to take.

A little way after the “descent” I was depleted of all energy, and decided to take a caffeine tablet that I had bought in the bike shop in Hamilton. I blame this for the second bout of tears, which were about how beautiful the scenery was that I was passing through, and how lucky I was to be there after everything that had gone before. 

Let’s just say I have my suspicions about this “caffeine”, nuff said.  Although I’m keeping the tin (natch)!!

And so I kept turning the pedals, inching slowly forward, because I knew that it was the only option. When I clocked that the next town on my route was called Wisdom, the thought of approaching and passing through "Wisdom" was just too corny that it made me laugh.

Even though the wind got worse on the section after Wisdom, and despite the fact that the heavens opened and I got rained on good and proper, I realised that all I needed to do was to get into a comfortable pace and to keep going. Not to think about how many miles, or minutes, or hours I would need to maintain that pace, but just to focus on the fact that I felt comfortable and could keep doing so, and that it would take as long as it would take.

It took 11 hours in total today from when I left Hamilton to reach the lovely Studio apartment in Jackson where I am staying tonight. And despite everything, it was one hundred percent, absolutely worth it.

And after all of it, one thing popped into my mind. A quote about Wisdom that I read two years ago, in a bike shop in New York, of all places.

“Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”

Quite.

Tomorrow is another day. 

Me x