What Katy Did Next

Day 43

Ness City, KS to Larned, KS

Distance: 64 miles

Road Kill Count: 2 raccoons; 1 hare; 3 frogs; Grylls Dinner Selection (a seasonal blend of snakes, locusts, crickets, bugs and beetles) – multiple casualties.

Scariest moment: Sssssssssnake!!

Tonight we have a guest blog contributor…

The Steed Interviews: Vol. 1

Steed: Hello, and welcome to Giant Grasshopper, and three times Grasshopper Body Building Champion of Rush County, KS, Graham Snodgreen.

Graham: Yessssirreeee (grins widely to expose huge set of white teeth with corner of green leaf wedged between left incisor and canine). Except I’m not really a grasshopper, I’m a kind of insect called a Katydid. But you can call me a grasshopper. Or just Graham.

Steed: Right. Yes. So, Graham, you are what might be described as a colossus of the Grasshopper world. I understand that you attribute your success to a mix of exercise and diet.

Graham: That’s right Steed, I work out twice a day, and I only eat green things. Kale, cabbage, grass, corn leaves …

Graham: "When I find a stem I like, I just hold onto it."

Steed: That sounds like a strict routine, Graham.

Graham: Well, yes, my body is a thimble.

Steed: Do you mean temple?

Graham: No, thimble, I like to sit of the end of people’s fingers and turn myself upside down and have wheatgrass shots poured into me until I can’t drink anymore.

Champ Graham Snodgreen: "It's all about the wheatgrass shots"

Steed: Nice. And how did people around here react to your success?

Graham: Well, after I won the first medal, a number of them started to call me Golden Graham. But I don’t really know why, because I’m green.

Steed: That’s true. But maybe…

Graham: (interrupts) I mean, I could see if they would call me Graham Greene, like the writer, cos without the Snod, that’s what I am really (shrugs pointy green shoulders). Yeahh…Graham Greene.

Steed: And do you write?

Graham: Er, no.

Steed: And his Greene has an “e” on the end of it as well.

Graham: Yeah, and I’m not dead.

Steed: Yet.

Graham: Excuse me?

Steed: And yet, you are already a revered character for one so young.

Graham: Why thank you Steed.

Steed: No, thank you Graham.

Rustling and coughing… flutter of wings and chirping noise...

Click here to hear Graham speak live...

Steed: Jumped up little twerp… oh boll*x, I forgot to … click …END OF TAPE

***

Well, thank you Steed for giving us that unique insight into the life of a super-hero growing up in rural Kansas… sounds vaguely familiar for some reason.

Kent Residence?

And while Steed was busy doing his Letterman routine, I was happily installed inside Greg's Sports Pub & Grub, ready to tuck into an unexpected treat.

BLT and Grasshopper-free zone

Finding everywhere closed in Ness City and everywhere in between, I had become the Queen of the Vending Machine, just to get the bike bottles filled up for the day. So, this place was a godsend.

But it was less than a mile later when I spotted it. A silver, slithering object, not neatly resting by the side of the road, but on the move diagonally across the carriageway in multiple “s” bends, directly in front of me and in my path. I could swear that I could see more “sssssss” coming out from its mouth as a mean hissing noise (although I’m pretty sure this bit was in my head).

Not knowing which way to pass, I found myself instinctively swerving around its tail end and, while wanting to power through to get past as soon as possible, my legs felt empty and had an urge simultaneously to pull themselves out of their pedals, so I could lift my feet up in front of me in a straddle pose, like riding a sit up and beg bike fast through a puddle and trying to avoid getting wet.

And for the few seconds I rode past my slippery foe, I emitted a noise like a baby crying, only not quite as high-pitched, as I shuddered and shook, as if the snake had been close enough to touch me. Yeukkk!

So, all in all, it was an entertaining day. Other than the excitements above, I also met an Australian cyclist called Glenn, who is doing vanilla TransAm East to West. He was cockahoop to have a tailwind (or oblique tail), as I plodded along against an oblique side/head-wind for at least 40 out of today’s 64 miles. But that’s Kansas. Lucky I had Steed to keep me amused.

For Steed’s next assignment, I am thinking of a telephone interview of Alex Salmond and Paul McCartney on Scottish Independence. I will recommend Gordon Brown and his team for the recording, apparently they offer very reasonable rates these days.

As to dinner tonight, I decided to pass up the option for a fourth night of Mexican at my favourite chain. It turns out you can indeed have too much of a good thing. Although I could have managed one of those Margaritas!

And to finish today, I ponder the following question… Why did the snake cross the road?

Answer in tomorrow’s blog.

Me (and Steed) x